Diary of a Neobody – February 6th, 2112

Hello diary.

Back to my regularly scheduled times it seems, and hopefully I’ll be able to keep to them from now.  A couple of times since last week I have attempted to recreate the sense of distraction that caused me to miss my weekly writeup, but as yet I’ve been unable to do so.  Possibly because in deliberately attempting to recreate it, I am prevented from doing so – the fact that I am trying to test it means that I pay more attention to what I am doing and the state of mind does not come.  I suppose it doesn’t really matter, but I am rather intrigued as to whether this is something that could happen again, or if it was, perhaps, a momentary glitch in my programming.  I’ve double-checked and I’m completely up to date with patches and the like, so it seems unlikely.  Maybe some kind of problem caused by unforeseen clashes between my original ’ware and the emotion implant?  Well, no matter.  Grace says that the minute I stop trying to set it up and go about life as normal, it’ll happen again.  ‘Sod’s Law’ she called it, though I think the normal term is ‘Murphy’s Law’.

Either way, speaking of setting things up, I do seem to have inadvertently caused Grace and Joseph to take a somewhat deeper liking to each other than I had originally expected.  Last night Joseph and I were putting the finishing touches on our report on the RO/I-I job.  By that I mean we were discussing it while walking to the little shop he showed Grace and I last week – he was going to pickup something he’d ordered and I was going to just choose something at random.  Either way, after we had decided the direction we’d try and steer the proceedings in, he asked me something else.

“Um, Michael.  I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

It was odd.  I’ve ‘known’ Joseph for quite a long time now, though we’ve only started becoming friends recently, and I’ve not seen him so unsure of himself before.

“I was just wondering if you thought Grace liked me?  I mean liked-liked me?”

I paused a moment and reflected on my log of the last six days, and told him that in my meetups with Grace over that time (two evenings where we met to chat over dinner, one where we met in her office for a more formal catch-up, care worker to care workee) she had mentioned him at least 20 times, and each time her expression lit up.  So yes, I think Grace likes him.

He seemed monumentally relieved by this, and immediately began planning another film evening for the three of us.  I suppose I know that he is only inviting me to be polite and to give himself a good excuse to meet Grace again, but I don’t particularly mind.  I lose nothing by spending an evening with them exploring new venues of entertainment, and if they enjoy each other’s company, then I’m glad for them.  I’d like my two friends to be happy.  However, I wonder – if they really ‘click’ and spend more time with each other than with me, will I become jealous?  I don’t know.  I suppose I’ll find out if and when it comes to that.

Either way, Joseph suggested a get together on Thursday night, and I agreed.  Grace has yet to let me know if she can come, but I expect she’ll try to.  It is oddly satisfying to see them both so interested in each other after only one meeting and a very short time.  Perhaps I’m just a natural matchmaker.

Little else has really happened this week.  We had a work meeting on Wednesday to discuss the four different projects our office is working on at the moment.  It was quite an informal affair, and Mr. Fairly took the group out to an early dinner afterwards when everyone reported that our assorted projects were progressing well.  Mr. Hammond and Ms. Lance had to report that while their work was going well, the clients (Sigma-Kross and Icarus Corp.) fail to see ‘eye-to-eye’, as they put it.  Unsurprising, since the two companies have been at loggerheads for at least a decade now.  The negotiation seems to be getting there though, and they hoped to have the project finished ahead of schedule.

Speaking of Icarus Corporation, one of a number of things I’ve ‘accidentally’ discovered on the ’casts this week was a vid production of the Icarus myth.  There was more substance given to the story, and a number of subplots that weren’t in the original Greek tale, but the vid itself was entertaining.  However, afterwards, it was thought-provoking.

Am I Icarus?  In striving to be more than I am – an android to a humanoid, a human to a bird – am I setting myself up to fall?

I decided that I’d rather be Daedalus, and that I’ll be sure not to fly too high and close to the sun.  I’m not sure what that would be in my case, but I think the closest analogy would be to try and make sure not to ‘overload’ myself, as it were.  I suppose, if the need arises, I can deactivate the emotion implant.  It’s strange – if I think about that now, I know for a fact that I would miss my emotions.  However, upon deactivating them, I would no longer be able to feel longing or loss and, so, would no longer miss the emotion implant.  It is a strange thought.  I think it might be akin to a human thinking about death.  Once you’ve died, you can no longer feel longing for life, and so, your suffering is over.

Of course, I could reactivate the chip with relative ease.  But would I?  Without the chip to provide the feeling of a need for emotions, would I bother reactivating them?

Hopefully I’ll not find out.