Diary of a Neobody – May 8th, 2112

Hello diary.

I had the second half of my driving test last night, and I passed with flying colours. I suppose that isn’t much of a surprise, really. On the other hand, for the hours leading up to the test I was horribly nervous.

The theory test was in the morning, and I was fine with that since it was literally just regurgitating the rules and laws of the roads and skies; rather easy with perfect memory retention.

The practical test was a far more terrifying affair. I knew that I would be able to drive with no problem at all – all of my practice and lessons have been perfect, and I know and understand everything involved. However, I was worried. In fact, ridiculously, I was worried about getting worried.

I was scared that I would do something wrong during the test. I didn’t think I’d do something wrong because I got it wrong though – I was worried that I would suddenly be hit by an emotional reaction to the test itself.
In the lessons, since I wasn’t being marked or graded on my performance, I was slightly nervous, simply because even with modern anticrash programming in every car, it still sometimes happens. And I was afraid of what might happen to me if something went wrong, or someone else did something stupid.

During the actual test however, and the hours leading up to it, there was the double fear of ‘what if something happens?’ and ‘what if something happens and it means I don’t pass?’.

All stupid really. Grace told me that I shouldn’t think about it too much, else I’d ‘overthink’ it. I’m not even entirely sure what she meant by that, but I should have listened; the test preyed on my mind all day, and I was almost a nervous wreck when it came to travelling to the test centre.

The entire way there, I toyed with the idea of deactivating my emotion module for two hours while I took the test, then reactivating it. I didn’t in the end. Not only did it feel like cheating, but I also realised that it would defeat the entire point of the test. Surely better to have a nervous breakdown while driving in the test because of the added pressure of being marked, than to have a breakdown in the future because of the pressure of driving alone.

The point is moot though; I had no breakdown while driving in the test, despite all my fears beforehand. I suppose it’s quite funny really – my emotion chip is basically conjuring demons for itself to fight, but then when it comes down to it: nothing at all. I wonder if this is a quirk of my programmed emotions, or if humans have this kind of self-destructive, self-inflicted spiral as well? On the one hand, I hope so because I don’t like the idea of being a defective or inaccurate piece of programming. But then, I hope not, because I don’t know how humans would deal with it at all. I, at least, have the concrete knowledge of my own construction and faculties, while with a human it’s all a little more subjective.

Anyway, returning from my tangent, my ID files should be updated to carry my licence sometime in the next day or two. I hope it does – if I can drive by the weekend, Daniel has suggested that we head out to the flats nearer the Elevator, where the Babel racetrack is. The AGR season is coming to a close, but there are a couple of races scheduled for this coming Saturday. Hopefully it’ll make for an interesting trip!

If it doesn’t come in, it won’t be too great a loss, since he says he usually goes to one of his friend’s apartments to watch races, and that I’d be welcome to come. Apparently his friends are intrigued by the ‘race-droid’ as they call me. It’s hardly a catchy title, but I think I like it.

Either way, the weekend promises to be interesting. I think I’d probably like my licence in time, so we can drive out to the AGR at Babel, but on the other hand, new friends are always nice to have. I’m not sure, really, which of the two possible weekends I prefer.

I suppose, if my ID is updated, Daniel and I can simply invite his friends with us to head out to Babel. That could be fun.

I must remember to suggest that to him tomorrow. I think Daniel’s car has enough seats for us all.

That’s a point in fact.

What sort of car do I go for, when my licence comes through?

On the one hand, I’m beginning to rather enjoy the idea of maybe a two-seater car. Not necessarily a sporty car, just something small and nimble. But would that be useless? I suppose I do have more friends than can sit in one seat.
I don’t know.

I’ll look into it more over the week I suppose.

Maybe I should try and buy an AGR racer, retooled for the road.